10 Individuals' Real Life Regrets of Having Children
The conversation started when Reddit user u/SniperGlizzy posted a viral thread asking, "What is it like to have children you don’t want?"
I am a parent and I know it can be tough when you have children, some of us don't prepare mentally because we just didn't think it would impact us like it did or we didn't have the support of a partner through the process. But you know what it is quite alright to feel that way sometimes and it key to remember that a child is a blessing regardless of the situation you may find yourself in.
Here are Ten of the Top-Voted Responses from Parents:
1. "I love my kids, and I’m told I’m a pretty good dad, and sometimes I enjoy it, but most of the time it’s just draining. ... I understand that there are people out there who enjoy spending time with kids, just like there are people who enjoy talking to strangers — and suffice it to say I’m just not one of them."
2. "I have custody of my brother's kids. I didn't want them. I already have one of my own. My brother's kids are not as well behaved as my children. It is very frustrating. I love them. I will protect them and take care of them. I find myself very upset by the fact that I just can't seem to love them as much as my children. It's depressing. I hate myself because I feel this way. ... I try so hard to not let my nieces and nephews see that I struggle with this. But kids are smart, and I know they pick up on it."
3. "I don't feel like a mom, I feel like a caregiver. I get little joy in taking care of my daughter and I am constantly worn down. I'm exhausted. This pandemic has destroyed what little sanity I had left, as I can't even get a small break because there is no school."
4. "It set the tone for the rest of my life, one of those 'hindsight is 20/20' things. I honestly believe that if I'd never had a kid, particularly when I was as young and alone as I was in a very socially backward area, I'd have made a lot more of myself. ... Both of our lives could have been a lot better had I either waited to have her or let another couple adopt her, like I wanted, but I was forced out of the choice."
5. "I have three. I really thought I wanted kids because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do: be a wife and have kids. I love them, and I want the best for them. But I don’t have the same connection to them that other moms seem to have. I don’t miss them when I have to go on a long trip. I just feel relief. Having them home because of the pandemic has been really hard for me. I have a lot of guilt about it. ... Even though I’m surrounded by family, it feels pretty damn lonely. I don’t feel like I belong in my own life."
6. "It's like having some guests at your house that never, never get around to leaving for years, but you must take care of them to avoid getting into trouble and judged by others."
7. "I've honestly thought about this question before. My son (14 months) was planned, and he is incredible, absolutely a light in our lives. On the other hand, I was super ill the entire pregnancy, depressed and struggling up until a few months ago. Now, this was made worse by two moves (military) and COVID, of course, but I never, ever want to do this again."
8. "My husband and I have been raising my niece for three and a half years. ... My niece is almost 16 now. I'm 29 and I feel like I gave up my fun and carefree years to raise my sister's kids. I've always dreamed of having my own children, and now that I'm struggling to conceive, I can't help but feel resentful that I'm raising one of my junkie sister's six healthy children. Overall, my niece is a good kid. I love her and I want her to do well in life, but she doesn't feel like she's our kid, and she doesn't think of us when she thinks about who her parents are."
9. "My ex-husband was emotionally abusive and, if I’m being completely honest with myself, forced me into getting pregnant three months after I went into labor and lost our daughter at 20 weeks. I wasn’t ready and I hadn’t really had a chance to grieve. Our son was 13 weeks early, spent two months in the NICU, and cost over $1 million in his first year. Now my son is almost 7, his 'father' hasn’t been in the picture for years, and until recently, I was doing it all on my own."
10. "My ex-girlfriend baby-trapped me. She stopped taking her birth control and didn't tell me. Then cheated on me while pregnant. At that point, I wanted nothing to do with her and was not prepared to be a father. I was young and dumb and still learning who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. She gave me the option to walk away and never see the kid again. I thought about it but couldn't bring myself to; knowing my kid was out there was going to weigh heavily on my conscience."
Excerpt was taken from Buzzfeed