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  • Writer's pictureRodney Alkins

Invest more in your Marriage and less in your Wedding

Proverbs 18:22 says, 22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. As a typical human being I never gave this passage of scripture much thought when I was being married. I suppose, I was young and didn't know much and there is still much that I don't know, but there is one thing I know for sure. There is a difference between a wife and woman. Base on the above scripture verse both of these types of people have traits and characters that qualify them for marriage or not and men would be encouraged to pay attention to those traits and characters when pursuing a relationship.

What is a Wife

The role of a wife is so crucial that she can either make or break a family. She gives her husband the strength to succeed, she nurtures her children to stay healthy and do well in their life, and she has the ability to take care of every minute detail at home or at work. This is an overview type definition because depending on the environment, culture and many other variables, the roles can be very different but at least this definition gives you a benchmark within which to work. At this point, I would totally like to say that the role of the husband is equally crucial to either making or breaking the family and has the same accountability as the wife.

It seems to be that you can identify wifely characteristics in a woman even before you are married to her. In other words not every woman is a wife. Some of us men will pursue a woman because of her fine features, he shapely body only to be disappointed when we are married to her for the rest of our lives, but we only have ourselves to blame. You realize quite quickly that the woman you married does not hold any of the above characteristics that resemble a wife.

What is a Marriage

A marriage, is a covenanted union relationship of social and spiritual elements between a man and woman supported by the law of the land and publicly witnessed.

What is a Wedding

According to Wikipedia, A wedding is a ceremony where two people are united in marriage. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of vows by a couple, presentation of a gift (offering, rings, symbolic item, flowers, money, dress), and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or celebrant.

Many couples who set out on the journey towards marriage tend to think about the wedding ceremony, the woman usually does most of the thinking. Men's minds are usually in a daze around that time as you are being asked a plethora of questions that you really don't care about and you just give mum responses so that she doesn't get upset. Let me just pause and say. that is fundamentally a bad communication practice and will not serve you well in the long run.

Fairy Tales

However being married is not about the wedding day only, actually the wedding day is only 0.00000000001% of the marriage. There is much fairy tale conjecture leading up to the wedding and during the first 3 months to a year of marital bliss. This is all normal and good, but the couple must never totally separate their marriage from reality as this can have devastating effects. I know of couples who have bought into the fairy tale marriage, but their definition of fairy tale was very expensive beyond what they could afford and it ended up nearly ruining their marital relationship.

The Empty Box

I tend to look at marriage like an empty box which now has to be packed carefully with good memories and experiences. I am not saying that the marriage will be perfect because people are not perfect, but understanding that you have made a commitment for life is very important. Both people have invested their lives into each other and expect to receive the requisite interest payments on their investment. So the wedding day is just the initial deposit into the marriage box.

The Reality of Marriage

Marriage is not for everyone, never mind what society says. God has given us a choice of whether or not we want to be married. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibility and compromise, that you may not have considered as a singleton. I know for sure that, even when both persons are equally yoked or compatible, it can still be a challenge. This challenge is also what makes it exciting as you get to know and understand the person and why you chose them and why they chose you. As a team you will also be able to realize goals that may not have been possible individually, new perspectives will emerge as you and your spouse sit and converse or debate over trivial to deep and passionate topics. There will also be time when you will sit not speaking and yet know what each other is saying, this is the feature of the oneness of marriage. I have heard people say that you know when couples are deeply connected they start to physically look like each other.

However, some marriages don't make it and some marriages have a hard start, and the usual conclusion after some post marriage thought was that a mistake was made. It is never to entered elementarily, but thoughtfully and should be dismissed totally if there are any red flags or elements on which you will not compromise to the detriment of the other party.

I pray God will bless your marriage and that you will live long and prosper.

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